75th Inf Div newsline No. 27

20 Jan 1999   -    After Christmas
75th in Westfalia, April 1945 ("Battenfelder Hof", Foto: S. Rowe)

Hello veterans and friends of the 75th Division !

I have some messages left over regarding Christmas. (Thanks to the newsline „Defending America“)
I found them so touching that I decided to publish them in this issue.

We have requests from new members, that are searching informations about their fathers. Please check and ask around, if you can help. Thanks in advance !

We recieved the Honor roll for the 291st Inf Div, but it is too huge to publish it here. Please get in contact with Jan Bos from Netherlands if you need a copy.

We are still searching for photos of the 75th Div, especially during their time in Germany. We have a book „Pictorial history of the 75th Inf Div“, which contains a lot of photos made in my hometown Plettenberg, the last Div HQ before returning home. We know that the photos were made by a John S. Rowe, and that he made more. Does anybody has informations on him ?
 

*Keep five yards.
(*Means spread out so one round won't get us all.)

Rolf G. Wilmink
„German by birth, american by heart, P.I. by profession“.
 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
For your calendar:

Next 75th N.E.C. meeting: May 12-16   1999
           Shoney´s Inn
           2420 Music Valley Drive
           Nashville, Tennessee 37214
           615-885-4030
Rates: $ 72.00 Single or Double + 8,25% sales tax and 4% room tax.
Events: Boat for Dinner
             Grand Ole Opry

Next 75th Div reunion:  Houston, Texas, 1999
75th Div reunion year 2000: Peoria
(more infos as soon as we have them or contact the
75th Div Vets. Assn. President Parker, see adress below).
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

           List of contents:

1.) Feedback regarding newsline No. 26   ( 22 Dec. 1998 )
2.) Who knew Victor Egland ?
3.) Who knew 75th Vet Stanton ?
4.) Wanted: Informations about the 275th Engineers
5.) Wanted: Adress of Bert Witt
6.) Who knew David „Sorgie“ Sorg, 289th, 3rd Bn, M Co ?
7.) Fights in Waltrop/Castrop Rauxel
8.) Roll of Honor for 291st Inf Reg
9.) VETERANS IN THE GREAT DELIBERATIVE BODY
10.) A BELLEAU WOOD CHRISTMAS
11.) WHO'LL TAKE THE SON?
12.) THE DIME
13.) ON THE LIGHTER SIDE ***
 
 

\\|//
(o o)
------------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo------------------------------75th DIVISION online
****************************************************************************
DON'T BE A LURKER.... GET INVOLVED... YOU ARE A MEMBER... MAKE THE MOST OF IT
*****************************************************************************
(more than 125 members online worldwide !)
 

1.) Feedback regarding our newsline No. 26 ( 22 December 1998):
 

From: Eric Heijink <e.heijink@student.utwente.nl>
subject: Season Greetings
Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1998 16:40:59 -0600

No fancy cards or computer animations this year...sorry

But I do want to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and all the best in 1999.

Eric Heijink
----------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Joseph Karr" <167thsig@email.msn.com>
subject: Christmas Greetings
Date: Thu, 24 Dec 1998 13:47:25 -0500
 

Frohliche Weihnachten

Dear Rolf, Anke and Doreen,

As the joyous season of Christmas is upon us, we especially think of our Dear Friends and want to wish you and your family a happy and holy holiday season.

May God's blessings surround you and enlighten you with HIS peace and love.

We will spend the day at Joe Jr's home where all the family will gather together. The presents are wrapped, the children are merry and the parents are ready for the big day!

Merry Christmas to all !!!

Sincerely

Joe and Jeanette
--------------------------------------------------------------

From:  dshine@light-sources.com
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 98 13:06:12 -0500
subject: Original Officers of K Company, 289th Div.

     Rolf,
 
It was great speaking with you at Christmastime.  My father is trying  to locate a list of the original officers (those who came from the US with the division) of K Company, 289th Div.  Do you have such a listing?  Can you send it to me?
 
Believe I recently saw a request for a photo of the 75th's band.  I have a photo which I will either mail to you or scan and eMail to you.
 
     Happy New Year!
 
     Dan Shine
---------------------------------------------------

From: "Joseph Karr" <167thsig@email.msn.com>
subject:  New Year Greetings
Date:   Fri, 1 Jan 1999 09:57:14 -0500

Dear Rolf, Anke and Doreen;

We want to wish ALL the WILMINKS a Healthy and Happy New Year !!!!

May this New Year and beyond be everything you want it to be, you deserve nothing less.

Sincerely

Joe and Jeanette
-------------------------------------------------

Date:  Fri, 01 Jan 1999 13:17:25 -0500
From:  Dan Shine <danshine@iconn.net>
subject:  Happy 40th Birthday!

Just noticed that you have a birthday coming up in a couple of days, Rolf; hope you enjoy it!  Meanwhile, have a happy, healthy and prosperous 1999!

Dan Shine
-------------------------------------------------------------

From:  "Joseph Karr" <167thsig@email.msn.com>
To:  <danshine@iconn.net>
CC:  "Rolf G. Wilmink" <mkw-detective@t-online.de>
subject:  75th Division Photos
Date: Sat, 2 Jan 1999 14:32:41 -0500

In reference to your e-mail inquiry about my photos of the 75th Infantry Division, let me preface this with who and what I was during those days in 1944 and 1945. I was a still photographer with the 167th Signal Photo Company that came under the command of SHAEF Headquarters. I was assigned as a combat photographer to Combat Unit 126 of that Photo Company. A unit consisted of two still photographers, two movie photographers and an administrative lieutenant. These units were then assigned as detached service to various Divisions or Corps for unspecified periods and then reassigned elsewhere.My Unit 126 was basically assigned to Divisions operating under the 9th U.S.Army. My unit covered activities of the 95th Infantry Division, 29th Infantry Division, 102nd Infantry Division, 35th Infantry Division,and 75th Infantry Division.

My time with the 75th Division was from 19 April 1945 to 14 May 1945. The photos that I have, involving 75th Division personnel, are those taken in Plettenberg and Hemer, Germany.

Plettenberg - 26 April 1945 - German prisoners being searched and interrogated.
Hemer - 28 & 29   April 1945 - Russian prisoners at Stalag VI
Hemer - 1 May 1945 - May Day celebration at Stalag VI
Plettenberg - 8 May 1945 - German prisoners attending a VE-Day outdoor Catholic Mass

I can make any of these photos available to you, scanned to a Zip Disk. I have had good success printing these as 8 X 10 prints on HP Premium Photo Paper with a HP Deskjet 722C printer. I have been using Adobe Photoshop 4.0 software. My cost to you would be the cost of the Zip Disk plus shipping.

I read your Dad's Memoirs that you attached. It is a very commendable endeavor that you have undertaken. It is not easy to reconstruct memories from 54 years ago. Even now when I pull something out of my 74 year old memory bank, my family will say,"You never mentioned that before".

I wish you success in your endeavor and I will be glad to help if I can.

Sincerely

Joe Karr
--------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Joseph Karr" <167thsig@email.msn.com>
To: bodacious1@foothill.net>
CC: "Rolf G. Wilmink" <mkw-detective@t-online.de>
subject:  Iserlohn Photos
Date: Sat, 2 Jan 1999 22:04:43 -0500

Dear Reg Perkins:

This is in reference to your e-mail. The photos that I took in Stalag VI was located in Hemer, Germany which is a neighboring town to the east of Iserlohn. Although I was never in Iserlohn I was able to retrieve a couple of photos from our National Archives that were taken by another photographer. These were photos taken by Pvt. Charles Herr Jr. of the 165th Signal Photo Company. The photos were taken on 16 April 1945 when the German military in Iserlohn were surrendering to the 7th Armored Division, 1st U.S.Army. A person that is very interested in photos taken in Iserlohn is a Mr. Paul Sinn, Hainrott 8, 31675 Buckeburg, Germany. Iserlohn was his hometown as a small boy. In the two photos that I sent him, he is shown as a small boy watching the surrender in the town square. His mother appears in the other photo.

I have no knowledge of any photographer that operated in or around Petit. I was not able to locate the town of Petit on any of the maps that I have. In reference to your inquiry regarding the date of 21 January 1945, on and around that date, 18 January 1945 to 29 January 1945, I photographed activities at Beeck, Lindern, Linnich, Rurdorf, Floisdorf,Gereonsweiler, Brachelen, Ederen and Randerath, Germany. None of those dates and towns involved the 75th Infantry Division.

I regret not being able to be of more assistance to you.

Sincerely,

Joe Karr
--------------------------------------------------

Date: Sun, 03 Jan 1999 18:40:01 +0100
From: MK-Wirtschaftsdienst GmbH <MKW-Detective@t-online.de>
To:  Reg Perkins <bodacious1@foothill.net>
CC:  "Joseph D. Karr" <167thSig@msn.com>
subject:  Photos
 

Dear Reg,

I checked my phone CD-Rom, but I could not find a city called Petit in Germany. Can it maybe a french or belgian town ? Petit is the french word for small.

If you have more infos about the german town, I will be glad to check it.

Greetings from Germany
Rolf G. Wilmink

-------------------------

From: "Joseph Karr" <167thsig@email.msn.com>
To:  <bodacious1@foothill.net>
CC:  "Rolf G. Wilmink" <mkw-detective@t-online.de>
subject:  "Petit"
Date:  Sun, 3 Jan 1999 22:39:28 -0500

Dear Reg Perkins:

As a followup to Rolf Wilmink's e-mail to you regarding "Petit", I found his suggestion to be correct. I did a search on "MAPQUEST" and found that there are no towns in Germany prefaced by "Petit". However, there were several towns in France and Belgium prefaced with "Petit". I am listing the towns in Belgium because these were closest to the Ardennes which is where your interest seems to be.

Petit-Bigard (Belgium)
Petit-Bois, Luxembourg (Belgium)
Petit Bois, Hainaut (Belgium)
Petit Bois, Liege (Belgium)
Petit Brin, Liege (Belgium
Petit-Brogel, Limburg 9Belgium)
Petit Bruxelles, Hainaut (Belgium)
Petit Canton, Hainaut (Belgium)
Petit Chene, Luxembourg )Belgium)
Petit Chenoy (Belgium)
Petit Coo, Liege (Belgium) *
Petit Aaz, Liege (Belgium) *
Petit Avin, Liege (Belgium
Petit Axhe, Liege (Belgium)
Petit Baisieux, Hainaut (Belgium)
Petit Barvaux, Luxembourg (Belgium) *
Petit Berleur, Liege (Belgium) *
Petit Dour, Hainaut (Belgium)
Petit-Aa, Liege (Belgium) *

The ones with the asterick (*) are the ones closest to Liege, Malmedy and the Ardennes.

I hope this information helps you in your search.

Sincerely
Joe Karr
--------------------------------------------

From: "Louise F. Perkins" <bodacious1@foothill.net>
To:  "Joseph Karr" <167thsig@email.msn.com>
CC: "Rolf Wilmink" <mkw-detective@t-online.de>
subject: Iserlohn Photos
Date: Mon, 4 Jan 1999 16:54:02 -0800
 

Dear Joe Karr:

This is in reference to your e-mail of January 2,1999, regarding specific photos taken in Iserlohn during 1945.  I have only 2 photos of men in our outfit taken at a large home where the company was billeted.  There are also about 60 photos that were taken at a small PW cage that was just on the edge of Iserlohn.  Men were assigned to operate the PW cage of which I was one of them.  We were to receive prisoners for only a day normally, and just for initial processing, then sent them on to division headquarters for further interrogation.

The confusion over the word "Petit" was explained in my e-mail of December 2, 98, It was a question to you."If you knew of any photographers that were taking pictures of my squad?"  We were stationed near "Petit Their, which is a little town in the Ardennes, in Belgium. The pictures that were taken  were of the 75th Division, which was the division I was attached to.

Hope this clears up all of your questions.

Regards,
Reg Perkins.
---------------------------------

From:  "Louise F. Perkins" <bodacious1@foothill.net>
To: "Rolf Wilmink" <mkw-detective@t-online.de>
subject:  Photos
Date:  Mon, 4 Jan 1999 17:02:07 -0800

Dear Rolf:

Just sent an e-mail to Joe Karr, explaining about photos and the confusion of the word "Petit".  It had been explained in my e-mail to Joe  Dec.2,98. I left out part of the word, it was a specific question about possible photos that either he or another photographer may have taken in "Petit Their" which is in small Belgium town in the Ardennes.

Hope this clears up any questions.

Happy New Year,
Reg Perkins
--------------------------------------------------

From: "Joseph Karr" <167thsig@email.msn.com>
To: <GoddessBQ@aol.com>
CC:  "Rolf G. Wilmink" <mkw-detective@t-online.de>
subject: 167th Photos
Date:  Sun, 3 Jan 1999 21:43:58 -0500
 

Dear Brenda Keltner;

Rolf Wilmink forwarded a copy of your e-mail regarding possible photos from the 167th Signal Corps appearing in the "NUTS !" museum in France. That is a strong possibility because I was a still photographer in the 167th SignalPhoto Company and have knowledge that two of my photos were part of a "Prisoner of War" exhibit that was shown in a museum in Bonn, Germany and then in a museum in Moscow, Russia. I also found one of my photos on the digital website of the Still Photo Branch of the National Archives. It lists this photo as being in the Franklin D. Roosevelt Library. So you see the photos and movies that we all took do find there way into many and unusual places.

I was also curious about your mention of the private movies that you saw on the cable. Donald Hunt Sr. was a member of the five man Combat Photo Unit 126 of which I was a member. The unit consisted of:
Lt. Howard Babbitt - Administrator (deceased)
Donald Hunt Sr. - Movie photographer (deceased)
Raymond Daum - Movie photographer - Carmel, Ca.
Armond Guinn - Still photographer - whereabouts unknown
Joseph Karr - Still photographer - Rochester Hills, Mi.

I did not recall our unit having a 16MM movie camera, which would be the camera used to shoot color film. Out of curiosity I contacted Raymond Daum last evening by phone and he also could not recall our unit having a 16MM movie camera. All official army footage was shot on 35MM black & white film.

If you have any information to the contrary I would be interested in hearing from you.

Sincerely

Joseph Karr
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Joseph Karr" 167thsig@email.msn.com
To: holly.reed@arch2.nara.gov
CC: "Rolf G. Wilmink" mkw-detective@t-online.de
subject: Photo Request - Awards
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 16:08:53 -0500

Dear Holly Reed

Upon reviewing my Time Line notes from 13 July 1944 to 9 December 1945 I found that on 4 May 1945 I had taken photos of General Porter, Commanding General of the 75th Infantry Division, presenting awards to men of the 75th Infantry Division. Also on 5 May 1945 I had taken photos of awards being presented to Military Police of the 75th Infantry Division. Both days of award presentation took place at Plettenberg, Germany. On the same date of 5 May 1945 I also took photos of a gun powder plant at Gevernsbruck, Germany.

I would very much appreciate if all of the above photos could be researched.

Some time in the future, would it be possible for me to visit the Still Picture Archives and personally research the files based on my Time Line ? I do have dates, places and in many cases subject matter listed.

I certainly appreciate all the help you have given me in the past.

Sincerely

Joseph D. Karr
309 Coldiron Drive
Rochester Hills, Mi. 48307
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

From: "Joseph Karr" 167thsig@email.msn.com
subject: The Big "40" !
Date: Sun, 17 Jan 1999 16:43:09 -0500

Dear Rolf;

I am sorry that I missed your birthday on January 3rd. I thought that I had the information in my file but when I could not find it , I had to rely on your Uncle Heinz for the date.

I wish that Joe and I could have been in Plettenberg with your family and many friends to honor and toast you on this special occasion of your 40th BIRTHDAY !!

As usual, I enjoyed speaking with you today and wish you many good wishes for the coming year.

Here is the website I mentioned on the phone:

              www.enteract.com/~eheller

I was impressed by this site as to what two brothers put together as a tribute to their father who was a photographer operating with the 3rd U.S.Army in Southern Europe.

Best Wishes,

Joe
**************************************************************************

2.) Who knew Victor Egland ?

Date: Tue, 19 Jan 1999 21:36:12 -0800
From: Jennifer Moore jenmoore@earthlink.net
subject: Soldier search

To whom it may concern:

I'm looking for some information on my Grandfather who served in the 75th infantry division during WWII.  His name is Victor Egland.  He has large chunks of his memory gone from this time in his life and I'd like to re-trace some of his footsteps during his service.

Thank you for anything you might be able to find.

Sincerely,
Perry Moore
You may e-mail me at:  jenmoore@earthlink.net
***************************************************************************

3.) Who knew 75th Vet Stanton ?

From: Triggerwd@aol.com
Date: Sun, 27 Dec 1998 12:41:51 EST
subject: Subscribe-75th Triggerwd@aol.com

Hello and Merry Christmas,
My Father was a member of the 289th regiment of the 75th Division.  I am writing to you on his behalf.  I would appreciate any information or updates that you can provide.
 Thank You and Happy New Year,
Dan Stanton
***************************************************************************

4.) Wanted: Informations about the 275th Engineers

From:  "O.B. Skidmore" obskidmore@seacove.net
subject:   275th Engineers
Date: Thu, 7 Jan 1999 19:58:57 -0600

Sir,
We are an active duty unit who trains with the 75th, primarily with the Engineer units.  I would like to know if you can provide me with the entire history of the 275th Engineers.   Talk is going around that this unit will be reactivated, and we will be the recipients of the units colors.  If you can help in any way we the 9th Training Support Battalion (Engineers) would be very thankful.
Thank You!
SFC Skidmore
Battalion Operations NCO
9th TSB (ENG.)
***************************************************************************

5.) Wanted: Adress of Bert Witt

Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1998 14:03:18 -0600
From: Richard Schmid crhome@execpc.com
subject:  75th Infantry

        I am looking for my old company commander's address or phone number or email.  His name is Bert Witt.  I read about him in your last newsletter no. 26.  I was in M Company 291 Infantry from 1944-1946. Please send information to crhome@execpc.com.

Richard Schmid

MK-Wirtschaftsdienst GmbH wrote:
> Dear Glenn,
the veteran below is looking for a person, that contributed some information to your research regarding wales. Can you supply him with the adress of Bert Witt ?
>
> Thanks in advance,
> Rolf G. Wilmink
> Germany
 

Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1998 09:31:12 +0000
From:  glenn.booker@pop.net.ntl.com

Rolf,
I passed your message on to Bert Witt.
Regards,
Glenn

***************************************************************************

6.) Who knew David „Sorgie“ Sorg, 289th, 3rd Bn, M Co ?

From:  "Sharon Sorg" ssorg@tompkins-co.org
Company: Tompkins County
Date:  Thu, 31 Dec 1998 10:24:32 -0500
subject:  post

Dear Veterans,
    Is there anyone out there from the 75th division, 289th regiment, third battalion, M company?  My father, David Sorg, (nicknamed Sorgie), from Buffalo, New York, would love to hear from you.
    Hope to hear from you soon.
Sharon Sorg
ssorg@tompkins-co.org
***************************************************************************

7.) Fights in Waltrop/Castrop Rauxel

Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 20:07:24 +0100
From: Michael Nolte Minolte@cityweb.de
subject: Endkämpfe in Waltrop/Castrop-Rauxel

Hallo Rolf,

ich habe versucht, meine letzte E-Mail in Englisch zu verfassen. Ich hoffe man kann es verstehen, da ich der englischen Sprache nicht sehr mächtig bin.

Hallo Rolf!
In my spare time I'm very interested in the end of world war two in my hometown Waltrop and the near surroundings, that is Castrop-Rauxel, Henrichenburg, Meckinghoven, Ickern, Brambauer etc.

In order to complete my knowledge of  the last fightings at this area I'm looking for information in the Internet So I found your side of 75 th US Infantry Division, hoping to get some recalls of veterans, pictures or maps of this topic. I hope to get some feedback on this way.

Greetings
Mike
***************************************************************************

8.) Roll of Honor for 291st Inf Reg

Van: Stephen M. Graber <stephen.m.graber@bender.com>
Aan: 82circle@telebyte.nl <82circle@telebyte.nl>; mkw-detective@t-online.de
<mkw-detective@t-online.de>
Datum: dinsdag 15 december 1998 16:51
Onderwerp: Re[2]: Best wishes from Nijmegen
 
 
Jan Bos, I will talk to my father who survived one of the 75th Division's biggest battles, The Battle of Grand Halleux, Belgium. I know he remembers friends that fell throughout the Battle of the Bulge. The 291st Regiment was involved in the battle of Grand Halleux on January 15th and 16th, 1945. Their assignment was to attack across 400-500 yards of open field into the heavily fortified defenses in the woods that faced this field. They were  successful on the second day, Jan 16th.
>
The 291st Regiment fought in Grand Halleux while the 289th Regiment took Salmchateau, Belgium in a double envelope maneuver to capture Vielsalm. The 106th pushed on the 75th's left flank while the 30th Division moved into St. Vith on the left of the 106th.
>
My father, sister, brother and I travelled to Grand Halleux, Belgium in September, 1998. I will be attending the 1999 75th Division reunion in Houston, TX to obtain more information from veterans as I am contemplating writing a book on The Battle of Grand Halleux. I have some information that may be useful to you. Mostly on the 291st Regiment. I will check for rosters that you have requested. Please feel free to keep in touch via email. So please let me know if there is anything else I can help with and thank you for taking the time to do this work that is very time consuming.
>     I am very much interested on the information that you will produce.
Thank you.
>
>     Merry Christmas
>     Steve Graber
--------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Re[2]: Best wishes from Nijmegen
Author:  "Jan Bos" 82circle@telebyte.nl
Date:    12/18/1998 8:41 PM

Dear Stephen, thanks for the E-mail, please find enclosed/attached the Roll of Honor for the 291st Inf Regt, hope you can show it to your father, it is not complete, but hope he can fill in companies or circumstances under which the men died (e.g. tankfire, stepped on mine at Grand Halleux, etc, do hope to hear from you, the entire Roll has to be at the publishes at the end of the month / this month
Jan Bos
------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 31 Dec 98 14:42:48 -0500
From: "Stephen M. Graber"stephen.m.graber@bender.com
To:  <82circle@telebyte.nl>, <mkw-detective@t-online.de>
subject:  Re[4]: Best wishes from Nijmegen

     Jan Bos,
 
     I reviewed some of my information and would like to submit the below information on the 291st Regt, 75th Division for the Roll of Honor. The information is taken from veterans who were with the deceased at the time of death or knew of their death. Veterans Warren H. Saunders and William Condon talk about the death of PFC. Boaz but he is not on your list. Perhaps we should check to see if he should be there. They state he was in C-Company and KIA from incoming artillery.
 
     I can also try to fill in the gaps on the exact companies of most of the men on the list, but have not had the opportunity with the holidays. I will follow up with you in that regard.
 
     Avila, Alfred P. (Co. I)
 
     Benisch, Robert D. (Co. F): Veteran Richard DeBruyn references a soldier named "Bemish" in his accounts which was probably Benisch. Richard states that he saw a lad named "Bemish" dig in below a tree and told him it was a bad place to be. He later was told that this soldier was killed from a tree burst while dug in below it.
 
     Bowman Jr., Paul K. (Co. F): Veteran James S. "Sam" Drake references that he saw the mortar round hit only a few feet to his rear while the Battle of Grand Halleux was taking place. After the explosion, Sam Drake yelled "Anyone hurt?" and Lt. Bowman of weapons platoon weakly responded "Me". That was his last word.
 
     Carr Jr., Howard F. (Co. I): Veteran Sam Cathcart states that Howard Carr was KIA during the attack at Grand Halleux. Howard Carr was shot through the neck. Please update the Roll of Honor to reflect KIA on Jan. 16.
 
     Caskey, Ernest L. (Co. I): The I-Company Battle Diary states that Ernest Caskey was KIA on Jan. 22nd as a 4-man patrol from 1st platoon was on its way to make contact with the 84th Division. They were moving toward Aldringen. Please note this discrepancy with the date on the Roll of Honor.
 
     Carward, Ralph D. (Co. C): Veteran Oliver Littlejohn states that Ralph D. Carward was KIA by a machine gunner in a house while taking the town of Maldingen. It was the last house on the street and the machine gunner was silenced.
 
     Gatherer, Robert E. (Co. I)
 
     Gin, Ging (Co. I): Veteran Carl Klammer states that Gin Ging was KIA manning a mortar during the Battle of Grand Halleux on Jan. 16th. Please see discrepancy on the Roll of Honor.
 
     Glascock, Donnie M. (Co. F): Veteran Richard DeBruyn states that Donnie Glascock was on patrol when the patrol was ambushed on the night of January 23rd. Donnie Glascock and James S. Winebrenner were killed at the same time. Please see discrepancy on the Roll of Honor regarding KIA date.
 
     Kelm, Louis J. (Co. C): Veteran Robert Conroy states that Louis Kelm was KIA at Heel, Holland.
 
     Lagerstedt, Gotthard L. (Co. C): Veteran Oliver Littlejohn states that Gotthard Lagerstedt was KIA by artillery or mortars during the night of Jan. 22nd.
 
     Nevin, Thomas E. (Co. I): Veteran Carl Klammer states that Thomas Nevin was in 4th Platoon and was KIA in the field at Grand Halleux attack shortly after Thomas Nevin attended to Carl Klammer's wounds.
 
     Plowman, Arnold (Co. I): Veteran Jack Graber states that Arnold Plowman was a member of 3rd Platoon and killed during the Battle of Grand Halleux.
 
     Pompa, Albert T. (Co. G): Veteran Peter Dounis states that "Big Papa" was killed on Jan. 16th at the G-Company Command Post around noon when they took a hit from an artillery shell. Prior to the blast Albert Pompa asked Peter Dounis where the hot coffee was, which was in a rear room. Peter Dounis states that Capt. E.G. Drouillard, R. Kidd and 2nd Bn. Supply Sgt. W. Somers were within close proximity when the blast struck.
 
     Post, Warren R. (Co. I): 3rd Platoon.
 
     Schenk, Fred (Co. I): Veteran Jack Graber states that prior to the Battle of Grand Halleux, 3rd Platoon was on outpost in a small clump of trees overlooking the towns of Hourt and Grand Halleux. The platton was low on water and nobody wanted to get it, for it was an extremely dangerous assignment not knowing where the enemy was. Fred Schenk volunteered to go to the stream (Salm River) for water and Jack Graber volunteered to accompany him. While on their way down the hill, a close round of artillery hit. Not long after, a second round of artillery hit near the two of them. Not long after the second, a third round of artillery hit even closer killing Fred Schenk. It is believed that an enemy observer was calling down the rounds of artillery on them. Jack Graber says the Fred Schenk was very much liked and respected in the platoon.
 
     Schmitt, Gene A. (Co. C): Veterans O.B. Saunders, Oliver Littlejohn, and William R. Condon state that Gene Schmitt was KIA on Jan. 15th as C-Company was advancing during the Battle of Grand Halleux. Please note the KIA date discrepancy on the Roll of Honor.
 
     Spirdigliozzi, Joseph (Co. I): Veteran Jack Graber states that Joe Spirdigliozzi was in 3rd Platoon and KIA during the attack at the Battle of Grand Halleux on Jan. 16th. Please note the discrepancy on the Roll of Honor.

     Stark, Gordon K. (Co. C): Veteran Robert Conroy states that Gordon Stark died of wounds during the night of Jan. 15th/16th. He was hit by enemy machine gun fire or small arms fire during a night time probe of the 3rd Platoon position. Robert Conroy was with him when he died.
 
     Winebrenner, James S. (Co. F): Veteran Richard DeBruyn states that James Winebrenner was on patrol when the patrol was ambushed on the night of January 23rd. Donnie Glascock and James S. Winebrenner were killed at the same time. Please see discrepancy on the Roll of Honor regarding KIA date.
 

Please let me know if you have any questions and perhaps we can continue to keep in touch with our info via email. My home email is mtnview1@worldnet.att.net. Please send all email to that address from 12/31 to 1/3. Thank you.
 
     Steve Graber
 
 

9.) VETERANS IN THE GREAT DELIBERATIVE BODY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SUMMARY: The author points out the increasing lack of military experience in
our civilian governing authority.
****************************************
By. S. Maguire

        The percentage of combat veterans is reported to be only 7.8%, while the total number of veterans is 37%. As my source, I cite Congressional Quarterly, whose staff compiled the veteran status on each member of the House and Senate. I found it rather enlightening in several respects. Here's a breakout of the numbers and a few issues I took note of.

Senate:
1.      Forty-nine are listed as veterans. (Although a goodly number appear to have taken the Dan Quayle route and were in the National Guard or Reserves. I say this also because their age demographics are such that they would have been subject to the draft.)

Seventeen are listed as combat veterans. (Outside of several well-known Senators, the crediting of combat experience was a matter of "self report." It is therefore not clear as to whether they actually fought in combat, or were simply overseas in a theater where combat was taking place, i.e. having performed non-combat duties in a hostile environment. All who served in Vietnam for example, received "hostile fire pay," while relatively few received hostile fire.)  More detailed information on their actual experiences is probably available, but one would have to dig for it.
 

House of Representatives:
1.      One Hundred Forty One members of the House have worn a uniform (32 percent). Twenty Five claim to have fought in combat (less than 6%). I think that several factors contribute to lower numbers in the House. The increased number of women tends to reduce the numbers of veterans. As the average age of House members is lower than the Senate, a greater number of them are now too young for a draft that ended in 1972. Their need to "escape" to the Reserves was therefore reduced. Thus that number is commensurately lower.

Two points of opinion:
        To a growing majority in Congress, "serving ones country" is now taken to mean "serving in Congress." One might argue however, that a high paying job with lots of power and perks is not much of a sacrifice, but it appears that along with our money, they've appropriated the concept of "service."

        Looking at the specific individuals who are veterans, particularly in the Senate, one can safely predict that the numbers are heading down. As the past 6 years have been an unqualified disaster for our military, the continued diminution of Congressional affinity with the military makes the future seem very grim indeed.
=========================================================

10.) A BELLEAU WOOD CHRISTMAS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Although a fiction, it is based upon true events that occurred between the British and German lines during their first Christmas in the trenches of 1914. Certain units even played each other in soccer. It was never to be repeated.)

Oh, the snowflakes fell in silence
over Belleau Wood that night
For a Christmas truce had been declared
By both sides of the fight
As we lay there in our trenches
The silence broke in two
By a German soldier singing
A song that we all knew

Though I did not know the language
The song was "Silent Night"
Then I heard my buddy whisper,
"All is calm and all is bright"
Then the fear and doubt surrounded me
"Cause I'd die if I was wrong
But I stood up in my trench And
I began to sing along

Then across the frozen battlefield
Another's voice joined in
Until one by one each man became
A singer of the hymn

Then I thought that I was dreaming
For right there in my sight
Stood the German soldier
'Neath the falling flakes of white
And he raised his hand and smiled at me
As if he seemed to say
Here's hoping we both live
To see us find a better way

Then the devil's clock struck midnight
And the skies lit up again
And the battlefield where heaven stood
Was blown to hell again

But for just one fleeting moment
The answer seemed so clear
Heaven's not beyond the clouds
It's just beyond the fear
No, heaven's not beyond the clouds
It's for us to find it here
=====================================================

11.) WHO'LL TAKE THE SON?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Ed Schneider via Jeanne

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.
When the Viet Nam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.
About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands. He said, "Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art.
The young man held out his package. "I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this."
The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. "Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift."
The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection.
On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. "We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?"

There was silence. Then a voice in the back of the room shouted. "We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one."  But the auctioneer persisted. "Will someone bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?"

Another voice shouted angrily. "We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Goghs, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!"  But stillthe auctioneer continued. "The son! The son! Who'll take the son?"

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the long-time gardener of the man and his son. "I'll give $10 for the painting." Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.

"We have $10, who will bid $20?"  "Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters."

"$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?"  The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son.  They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections.

The auctioneer pounded the gavel. "Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!"  A man sitting on the second row shouted. "Now let's get on with the collection!"

The auctioneer laid down his gavel. "I'm sorry, the auction is over."

"What about the paintings?"

"I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings. The man who took the son gets every thing!"

God gave his son 2,000 years ago to die on a cruel cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is, "The son, the son, who'll take the son?"

Because you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.
**********************************************************************

12.) THE DIME
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Ed Schneider

        Bobby was getting cold sitting out in his back yard in the snow.
Bobby didn't wear boots; he didn't like them and anyway he didn't own any.
The thin sneakers he wore had a few holes in them and they did a poor job of keeping out the cold. Bobby had been in his backyard for about an hour already. And, try as he might, he could not come up with an idea for his mother's Christmas gift. He shook his head as he thought, "This is useless, even if I do come up with an idea, I don't have any money to spend."

        Ever since his father had passed away three years ago, the family of five, had struggled. It wasn't because his mother didn't care, or try, there just never seemed to be enough. She worked nights at the hospital, but the small wage that she was earning could only be stretched so far. What the family lacked in money and material things, they more than made up for in love and family unity. Bobby had two older and one younger sister, who ran the household in their mother's absence. All three of his sisters had already made beautiful gifts for their mother. Somehow it just wasn't fair.
Here it was Christmas Eve already, and he had nothing.

        Wiping a tear from his eye, Bobby kicked the snow and started to walk down to the street where the shops and stores were. It wasn't easy being six without a father, especially when he needed a man to talk to.
Bobby walked from shop to shop, looking into each decorated window.
Everything seemed so beautiful and so out of reach.

        It was starting to get dark and Bobby reluctantly turned to walk home when suddenly his eyes caught the glimmer of the setting sun's rays reflecting off of something along the curb. He reached down and discovered a shiny dime. Never before has anyone felt so wealthy as Bobby felt at that moment. As he held his new found treasure, a warmth spread throughout his entire body and he walked into the first store he saw. His excitement quickly turned cold when the salesperson told him that he couldn't buy anything with only a dime.

        He saw a flower shop and went inside to wait in line. When the shop owner asked if he could help him, Bobby presented the dime and asked if he could buy one flower for his mother's Christmas gift. The shop owner looked at Bobby and his ten cent offering. Then he put his hand on Bobby's shoulder and said to him, "You just wait here and I'll see what I can do for you." As Bobby waited he looked at the beautiful flowers and even though he was a boy, he could see why mothers and girls liked flowers.

        The sound of the door closing as the last customer left, jolted Bobby back to reality. All alone in the shop, Bobby began to feel alone and afraid. Suddenly the shop owner came out and moved to the counter. There, before Bobby's eyes, lay twelve long stem, red roses, with leaves of green and tiny white flowers all tied together with a big silver bow. Bobby's heart sank as the owner picked them up and placed them gently into a long white box. "That will be ten cents young man," the shop owner said reaching out his hand for the dime. Slowly, Bobby moved his hand to give the man his dime.

        Could this be true? No one else would give him a thing for his dime!
Sensing the boy's reluctance, the shop owner added, "I just happened to have some roses on sale for ten cents a dozen. Would you like them?"

        This time Bobby didn't hesitate, and when the man placed the long box into his hands, he knew it was true. Walking out the door that the owner was holding for Bobby, he heard the shop keeper say, "Merry Christmas, son."

        As he returned inside, the shop keeper's wife walked out. "Who were you talking to back there and where are the roses you were fixing?"

        Staring out the window, and blinking the tears from his own eyes, he replied, "A strange thing happened to me this morning. While I was setting up things to open the shop, I thought I heard a voice telling me to set aside a dozen of my best roses for a special gift. I wasn't sure at the time whether I had lost my mind or what, but I set them aside anyway. Then just a few minutes ago, a little boy came into the shop and wanted to buy a flower for his mother with one small dime.

        "When I looked at him, I saw myself, many years ago. I too, was a poor boy with nothing to buy my mother a Christmas gift. A bearded man, whom I never knew, stopped me on the street and told me that he wanted to give me ten dollars. "When I saw that little boy tonight, I knew who that voice was, and I put together a dozen of my very best roses." The shop owner and his wife hugged each other tightly, and as they stepped out into the bitter cold air, they somehow didn't feel cold at all.

May this story instill the spirit of Christmas in you. Have a Joyous and Peace-filled season.
********************************************************************

13.) ON THE LIGHTER SIDE ***
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

VISIT BY LT. GEN. CLAUS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OPERATION ORDER 12-98 FOR:
OFFICIAL VISIT OF LIEUTENANT GENERAL CLAUS

1. An official staff visit by Lt. Gen. Claus is expected at this post on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities for all personnel during the visit:

a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes Warrant Officers as well as mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Administration Officer. Stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and Policy Office (See Brigade Admin Officer).

b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap no later than (NLT) 2200 hours, 24 Dec. Uniform for the nap will be: pajamas --cotton, light-weight, general purpose, olive-green; and cap -- battle-dress, utilities, Woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position.
Equipment will be drawn from the headquarters detachment supply room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, this is the "season of giving."

c. Personnel will utilize standard "T"-ration sugar plums for visions to dance in their heads. Sugar plums are available in "T"-ration sundry packs and should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and spice cake to ensure maximum visions are experienced. "T"-ration sundry packs can be picked up at the Dining Facility (DFAC) from 0800-1800 24 Dec 98.

d. Stockings -- wool, cushion sole, olive-green -- will be hung by the chimneys with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires caused by carelessly hung stockings. First sergeants will submit stocking handling plans to the S-3, Operations Officer, Training, prior to 0800 hours, 24 Dec. All Commanders will ensure their subordinate personnel attending mandatory stocking-hanging safety classes are briefed on the safety aspects of stocking-hanging by the Safety Officer (Chief Warrant Officer-5 Dishtowel). Stocking Safety will be taught 15 Dec 98 at 1900 in the Fest Tent. Stocking Licenses will be issued at that time. Stockings will be issued out of the Brown & Root laundry.

e. At first sound of clatter, all personnel will spring from their racks to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw up the window sashes. On order, Operations Plan (OPLAN)7-97 (North Pole Contingency), para 6-8-A9(3), dated 4 MAR, this office, takes effect to facilitate shutter-tearing and sash-throwing.
Brigade Battle Captain, BDOC Commander (NOT to be from Judge Advocate General per Army Regulation 27-1) and all Guards will be familiar with procedures and are responsible for seeing that no shutters are torn or sashes thrown in the Field Officer's Quarters (Bldg 9828) prior to the start of official clatter.

f. Prior to 0001 hours, date of visit, all personnel possessing Standard Target Acquisition and Night Observation (STANO) equipment will be assigned "wondering eyeball" stations. The Sergeant of the Guard will ensure that these stations are adequately manned even after shutters are torn and sashes are thrown.

g. The Brigade Logistics Officer, in coordination with the U.S. Transportation Command (Cin-CTrans) and the Motor Pool, will assign one each Sleigh, Miniature, M-24A3 and eight (8) reindeer, tiny, for use by LTG Claus. The assigned driver must have a current sleigh operator's license with rooftop permit and evidence of attendance at the winter driving class stamped on his Department of Army Form 348. Driver must also be able to clearly shout "On, Dancer! On, Prancer!" etc.

2. LTG Claus will initially enter Bldg 9828 through the day room. All buildings without chimneys will requisition Chimney Simulator, M6A2, for use during the visit. Request chimney simulator on Department of Army Form 2765-1, which will be submitted in four copies to the Logistics Officers prior to 23 DEC. Personnel will ensure that chimneys are properly cleaned before turn-in at the conclusion of visit.

3. Personnel will be rehearsed in the shouting of "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!" or "Merry Christmas To All, and To All a Good Night!" This shout will be given upon termination of the visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of the Brigade Sergeant Major.

FOR THE COMMANDER
(Signed)
R. U. Jolley
LTC, ADJ
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHRISTMAS FIREMAN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.  She exploded into a rage, yelling at me,  "You damn Yankees never do read the Bible!"  I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.

Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
==========================

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 

(Editor's Note: If anyone wants a clean copy of these funny, but true, words of wisdom, please drop me a note at rlmcmahon@mindspring.com. If there are any highly motivated, truly dedicated, rough, tough can't get enough Marines out there that can write up a USMC version of these we would truly appreciate it. Likewise for Navy and Air Force.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How to tell you're an Old Soldier (aka Not Generation X)

1. You know what GDP means and still remember where yours was and how long it took to occupy.

2. You remember when we had tactical nukes and really planned to use them.

3. You remember spending hours in MOPP4 and doing M256 kits.

4. You remember when the M8 Claymore and M72 LAW were part of CTT.

5. You remember when ARTEPs were 36 hours and you had fun.

6. You remember when Carl Vouno was CG (8th ID(M);-)) and Max Thurman was head of recruiting command.

7. You know what a Gamma Goat and Goer were and could fix an M151A2 to run off one prop shaft.

8. You remember when the Israelis were bad asses and we all wanted to be like them.

9. You remember when Saddam Hussein was our loyal ally.

10. You remember when Airland Battle was a new concept, and everyone religiously read 100-5.

11. You know what the 'Cap Wineberger' Doctrine was.

12. You remember when the M16 was a plastic carbine, and you hoped for an M14.

13. You can remember going to the Club at Graf, drinking, and watching Margaret.

14. You personally know Margaret.

15. You know what is a "smokey" at Hohenfels.

16. You know the difference between the VRC46, VRC47, PRC77 and VRC160 and the requisite installation kits.

17. You know what a CEOI is and you can encrypt grids.

18. You remember when NTC was a new and cool concept.

19. You remember when it was real cool to go to SAMs or be an OC at NTC.

20. You remember when as a new LT/CPT you could go out and train your soldiers and not have an OC tell you how screwed up you were.

21. You remember BN Cdrs and 1SG's who were Vietnam Vets.

22. You remember Bn Cdrs who drank, swore and mentored.

23. You remember Bn Cdrs who were ruthless about tactics, but didn't give a crap about admin BS.

24. You remember when 2LTs and CPLs demanded respect from PFCs and got it.

25. You can navigate at night without a GPS.

26. You can remember OPDs about Clausewitz (aka dead Karl) which usually ended with beer drinking at the O' club.

27. You can remember when lanes training was a neat concept.

28. You can remember when 25-101 was a new concept.

29. You can remember when the defense budget was 7% of the GNP.

30. You can remember when the main battle area was the only fight.

31. You can remember when every ones career track was 10 years in Germany with 1st Armored Division at Ansbach.

32. You remember when the Soviet Union was a major super power instead (albeit the Russian Republic) of being a basket case for the IMF.

33. You could remember studying German concepts like mission tactics, and commander's intent and it was cool.

34. You could remember reading military history and it was in vogue, and going on staff rides because the Chief of Staff of the Army did it.

35. You could become a S3, XO, BN Cdr, or Bde Cdr without being Resident C&GSC graduate.

36. You could remember BN and BDE cdr's who were proud of being "non-resident" C&GSC guys.

37. You could receive a couple of "2-blocks" and it would not force you to look for employment on the outside.

38. You did not worry about OERs as a lieutenant.

39. You remember when privates bragged about the challenge they got in basic training, and how tough their drill sergeants were.

40. You remember when Sensitivity training was something your wife did.

41. You remember when Values Cards meant credit cards.

42. You remember when officers did not need values cards because they practiced values everyday.

43. You remember when going to the Pentagon was not cool and did not help your career.

44. You remember when power point was what a private did on butcher paper taped up on a board with "hundred-mile-an-hour" tape.

44. You remember when you could say hooah, because the Chief of Staff of the Army said it.

45. You remember when women in combat was just a bad idea that would soon fade away.

47. You remember when being hardcore and a warrior was cherished.

48. You remember that going to ranger school was cool and not for career progression.

49. You remember that more than one company commander was what studs did.

50. You could remember that going to Korea was like going to the field for twelve straight months, and only the hard-core guys extended.

51. You could remember when you could maneuver anywhere you wanted in Korea and it was not a big deal.

52. You could remember when "maneuver damage" was paid lip-service.

53. You could remember when you could "Major" in ROTC.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

HOW TO BE ANNOYING DURING THE ARMY STATIONARY BIKE TEST

1. Wear a bike helmet to the test. Optional: Include knee and elbow pads.

2. Demand the tester wear a reflective road guard vest "for safety."

3. Bring a bike horn and attach it. Each time the tester adjusts the tension, honk the horn loudly and yell, "Get the hell out of the way, you idiot!"

4. Bring a bike bell and attach it. Ring it once every 15 seconds - "Just to maintain your rhythm."

5. Attach streamers to the hand grips.

6. Bring a playing card to the test. Demand that it be inserted in the spokes.

7. Pop a wheelie. Optional: Do an axle grind on the nearest table. Optional: Bunny hop the bike.

8. At the beginning of the test, peddle while standing. Tell the tester, "I'm going uphill now, you fool."

9. Halfway through the test, stop peddling and lower your head between the handle bars and stick your butt in the air. Explain to the tester, "I'm coasting downhill and about to take the lead in the Tour De France!!!"

10. Signal all turns.

11. Make motorcycle sounds. Be sure to shift gears when the tester changes the tension.

12. Bring a sack of newspapers. Deliver them.

13. Periodically extend your legs and arms, yelling, "Look ma, no hands!"

14. Bring a friend to ride on the handle bars. Optional: Attach a kiddy seat to the back. Bring your kid.

15. Bring a bike lock. Be sure to secure the bike when you leave.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

*THE FIVE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS IN THE........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARMY:
A Private saying, "I learned this in boot camp...."
A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..."
A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience..."
A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..."
and a Warrant Officer chuckling, "Watch this shit..."

MARINE CORPS:
A Private saying, "I just got the word...."
A Sergeant saying, "Lock and Load!"
A Second Lieutenant saying, "Follow me!"
A Captain saying to an in-bound A-6, "Our position is....."
A Lt. Col. chuckling, "I've seen this shit before...."
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MILITARY DIFFERENCES:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Army Ranger jumps into the dark void from a C-130, lands in the bush at 0245, night moves 18 kms with a 40 pound pack, 15 pound weapon, basic combat-load ammo and when he views his target says, "Man, this is the shit..."

A Navy Seal HALO's behind the lines, swims 22 kms to his target, converts to land and does a 12 kms night movement, with 50 pounds of gear, 15 pound weapon, fighting knife and upon seeing his target says, "Man, this is some deep shit...."

A Force Recon Marine is forced to parachute 15 kms farther away from his target due to bad weather. He makes up the time double-timing 32 kms in daylight, with a 60 pound pack, 15 pound weapon, K-Bar, extra ammo, must dispatch three enemy troops with his hands enroute and upon viewing his target finally says, "Man, I love this shit...."

An Air Force Airman sits in his Class A's, coffee in hand, stereo playing Garth Brooks, air-conditioner pumping only to find his e-mail POP server is down and says, "Man, what kinda shit is this?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GOD'S NOT DEAF
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO...
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers?  God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHRISTMAS GIFTS: VERY SHORT BOOKS FOR MILITARY READERS:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

25.  Under Fire with a Combat Photographer by Albert Gore, Jr.

24.  McNamara on Victory by Historian and Scholar Arthur Schlesinger, Jr.

23.  His Sacred Honor by James Carville

22.  The Lies that Lead by Paul Begala and Rahm Emanuel

21.  My Favorite Military Leaders by Dee Dee Myers

20.  Vertical Envelopment: Aerial Assaults of the Viet Cong

19.  Cooking with Chef Paul: Gourmet recipes for MRE's

18.  Brain-teasers for Marines

17.  The U.S. Navy On Infantry

16.  Fighter Aces of the Iraqi Air Force

15.  Victories of Iraqi Armor

14.  Diplomacy in Iraq: A Guide for Airborne Troops

13.  Carrier Landings and the B-1

12.  Rappelling for Sailors

11.  Golf Courses of Vietnam

10.  General Giap: On Armor

9.  General George Smith Patton: Manners and Courtesy

8.  French Victories of 1940

7.  Unopposed Landings in the Pacific: 1942 - 1945

6.  Field Marshall Goring on Diet and Exercise

5.  Goebells: His Comedies

4.  Tojo: Collected Letters and Poems

3.  Mussolini: 1000 Year Alliances for Europe

2.  Stalin: Ethics and Principles of Greek Culture

*1.  Vietnam Hospital Tours of Jane Fonda by Barbara Streisand
        VA Hospital Tours of Jane Fonda by Alec Baldwin
*Counts as one book
================================================

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A LEFT BRAIN, RIGHT BRAIN CHRISTMAS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Queens Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores
and Office and Town ...or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout,
then MAYBE I'll tell you why.

DEPRESSION - Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia. All is calm, All is pretty lonely.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell...

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LARRY KING INTERVIEW WITH SADDAM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A. We both wanted to know where the hell those Tomahawks were coming from!

Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador, U.N. Minister - anywhere outside Iraq.

Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A. Well, we only have to teach them to take off.

Q. How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A. You know, Larry - by the letters and numbers - B-52...F-16...B-2

Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
A: How you say - The Duck

Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?
A: Aeroflot killed more people.

Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both of us may look out our windows and see Rubble in the driveway.

Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So we can see our Air Force.

Q. Did you hear that you won the coin toss?
A. Yes, and I elected to receive.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From:   rmsmith1924@webtv.net (Robert M Smith)
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1998 08:02:12 -0500 (EST)
subject: A Chuckle

Thought you might enjoy this one.

Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard.  He also was quite a spiritual person. Even when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. Furthermore, due to his diet, he wound up with very bad breath. Therefore: he came to be known as a (wait for it ...) "Super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis."

Have a Great New Year --1999

Best, Rob

GREETINGS  FROM  FLORIDA - U.S.A.
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From:  rmsmith1924@webtv.net (Robert M Smith)
Date:  Wed, 6 Jan 1999 08:38:19 -0500 (EST)
subject: Another One
 

FW: Yet another J.A.B. (Joke about Bill)
 
Bill Clinton died and went to Heaven -- or to be more accurate --approached the Pearly Gates.
After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. "Who goes there?",inquired St. Peter.
"It's me, Bill Clinton."
"And what do you want?" asked St. Peter.
"Lemme in!" replied Clinton.
"Soooo," pondered Peter. "What bad things did you do on earth?"
Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale.
I guess I had extra-marital sex - but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't really have 'sexual relations.'
And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."

After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal.
We'll send you someplace where  it's very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.'
You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't  call it 'eternity.'
And don't 'abandon all hope' upon entering... just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."

Best from Rob
GREETINGS  FROM  FLORIDA - U.S.A.
 

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